that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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