I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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