i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
