Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
