u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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