You can't special order awesome
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
