He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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