i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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