Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Randomize
