The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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