I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
