I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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