im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize