i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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