I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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