Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
