his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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