atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
