I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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