I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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