So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
