he wants to bone in the snuggie
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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