nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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