but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
