OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
