i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
