airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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