Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
