Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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