sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
