Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
