2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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