I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
