im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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