For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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