You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I didn't shave. On purpose
You smell like stripper and shame
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
