i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
