Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
