im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
