How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
