Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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