I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
