my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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