I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i think i just lost a toe
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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