whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
