I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we're making bets on your personal life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
