I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just invented taco cereal.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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