nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
