Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
