just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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