can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
