Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
