My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
