The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
