I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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