I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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