i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
