every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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