look no pants
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
